today.. i ate a lot. and i feel guilty about it... not that i am really fat.. i'm not fat.. but i always think that i am. probably because of my childhood experienced. one of my uncle used to call me, "oink-oink".. and he always paired me with a classmate of mine who was also fat. sadness.. but it used to be easy before.. because i don't seem to care that time. so here comes my teen years.. i'm not a plump girl.. but i'm not skinny also. i think my weight was just normal.. like i'm in the middle but more on the chubby side because my arms (until now) are big. but at that time - i still don't care. i mean, i love to eat and i don't want to worry about my weight because i don't want to limit the food that i want to eat.. so i think i was normal.. on the latter years of my HS life.. there comes the Junior and Senior Proms - of course, i wanna look my best.. so i told myself, i want to lose a little weight so that my arms won't look that big when i wear the gown that my mother bought me for my junior prom.. so i did try to limit my food intake for a few weeks.. and somehow, i was feeling good about it. but then one PE class, i was eating a bar of chocolate which was a 'pasalubong' from my mother when one of the skinny girl in our class told me.. "ayan kasi.. kain ka ng kain ng chocolate.. kaya ang taba-taba mo e.."... that remark - broke my heart. :-(
it traumatized me.. and i really felt bad about myself... i still continued my diet.. but after the prom.. stopped. i ate the way i used to eat again.. until i think i really was starting to be fat.. my mother always told me not to eat soo much because she notices that my legs is getting bigger and bigger. whenever i go to a mananahi to have my measurements done.. my mother told me that when she was at my age.. she was slimmer and more sexier.. because of those remarks.. i again tried my best to lose weight but no luck.
i thought that i'll continue to get bigger and bigger like when i was a child.. but then comes my last year in HS.. i dunno how it happened but i really lost a lot of weight.. and at the early years of college - a lot of girls envy me for being soo skinny.. that made me happy.. and made me realize that i don't want to be my fat/normal self again.. so i'll keep this weight and want to lose more..
the battle against weight is not easy.. because when i was in my fourth year in college.. i really was eating a lot and so my weight gain is noticeable by my college friends.. this time.. i was stuck.. the magic that happened when i was on my last year in HS is no longer there.. so it was damn hard and frustrating.. i was so desperate that i even entered the gym.. most of which are telling that i am not fat.. my body needs a little toning and it will be perfect.. i don't believe them.. so i still workout and limit the food intake. i read on the different diet techniques such as Atkins, SouthBeach.. etc.. and when i started losing.. i again want to keep it.
but a body's weight.. like life has its ups and downs.. my weight is like a sinusoidal wave wherein i sometimes am in my maxima (wherein i'm sad) and sometimes on my minima (which leaves me with super happiness and high self-esteem)...
oh well.. several years have passed and i'm still on this battle. i hope i'll never get tired.. but i hope that i get cured of this sickness.. i know this is not normal and i'm not happy about this.. that's why i've been finding myself a cure for this.. being always on a diet.. is not that easy.. if there's a programmable device that can be installed in the brain of a person's mind to overcome this problem - i would be the first one to buy it. because it's really hard to be on this situation.
it traumatized me.. and i really felt bad about myself... i still continued my diet.. but after the prom.. stopped. i ate the way i used to eat again.. until i think i really was starting to be fat.. my mother always told me not to eat soo much because she notices that my legs is getting bigger and bigger. whenever i go to a mananahi to have my measurements done.. my mother told me that when she was at my age.. she was slimmer and more sexier.. because of those remarks.. i again tried my best to lose weight but no luck.
i thought that i'll continue to get bigger and bigger like when i was a child.. but then comes my last year in HS.. i dunno how it happened but i really lost a lot of weight.. and at the early years of college - a lot of girls envy me for being soo skinny.. that made me happy.. and made me realize that i don't want to be my fat/normal self again.. so i'll keep this weight and want to lose more..
the battle against weight is not easy.. because when i was in my fourth year in college.. i really was eating a lot and so my weight gain is noticeable by my college friends.. this time.. i was stuck.. the magic that happened when i was on my last year in HS is no longer there.. so it was damn hard and frustrating.. i was so desperate that i even entered the gym.. most of which are telling that i am not fat.. my body needs a little toning and it will be perfect.. i don't believe them.. so i still workout and limit the food intake. i read on the different diet techniques such as Atkins, SouthBeach.. etc.. and when i started losing.. i again want to keep it.
but a body's weight.. like life has its ups and downs.. my weight is like a sinusoidal wave wherein i sometimes am in my maxima (wherein i'm sad) and sometimes on my minima (which leaves me with super happiness and high self-esteem)...
oh well.. several years have passed and i'm still on this battle. i hope i'll never get tired.. but i hope that i get cured of this sickness.. i know this is not normal and i'm not happy about this.. that's why i've been finding myself a cure for this.. being always on a diet.. is not that easy.. if there's a programmable device that can be installed in the brain of a person's mind to overcome this problem - i would be the first one to buy it. because it's really hard to be on this situation.
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